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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 03 March 2008 06:24
Posts: 19,
Visits: 51
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| At a Savil Row tailors, a nasty cruel dictator is ordering a lot of new uniforms. 'I want green tunics with gold appeletts, pink trousers with a gold stripe down the outside legs, red tricorn hats with lots of with lots of red feathers, bright red shoes with turned up pointed toes and bright orange and gold belts, please.' said the nasty dictator. 'Of course Sir.' said the tailor. 'Your palace guard with look very smart in those.' 'Oh, they're not for my palace guard! They're for my secret police!'
I follow Him! ...and him...and him...and him.....!
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Forum Poster
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Last Login: 23 December 2008 07:31
Posts: 75,
Visits: 200
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| There's an accident at the mine, and poor Murphy is killed by a rock fall. It's the first day at work for the new young mine manager and he dosen't know his workforce, or quite what he should do. O'Flattery is very helpful, and he offers to go and tell Murphy's widow the bad news. 'I think he lives in one of the cottages down by the harbour, Sir. Will I be after going down there to see the poor woman myself, so I will.' So O'Flattery set of towards the harbour, and he knocked on the door of the first cottage. A woman opened the door. 'Top o'the morning to you Madam. Would you be the Widow Murphy?'
He who laughs last is a fool for waiting so long!
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Forum Newbie
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Last Login: 07 March 2008 15:27
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My six-year-old grandson is reading a school book about planets. It stated there are nine planets and 'Q' pointed out to his mother that there are only eight. She told him that the book was written before Pluto was declassified as a planet. He piped up, "Can I be declassified as a schoolboy?" Well it made his old granny laugh!
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Forum Member
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Last Login: Yesterday @ 09:37
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A man went into a tailor's and ordered a suit - it was to have a bright yellow jacket with dayglo red lapels and pocket flaps, a tartan waistcoat, and green trousers. The salseman was a bit sceptical, but this was one of those very smart places where the customer was always right, so he didn't challenge the order. Sure enough, the order was a joke, and the offending suit was never picked up. It hung in a wardrobe at the back of the shop, out of the way, but every time he went into the storeroom, the manager was irked by this monstrosity. Finally, he sent to head office for their best salesman, and told him he could have double commission if he could sell the suit. the salesman thought for a moment, said "OK," and took it away.
The next day he was back to claim the commission. "You actually - sold it?" exclaimed the manager.
"Of course," replied the salesman, "no problem."
"The customer was happy with it?" the manager asked in disbelief.
"Delighted." said the salesman. "Of course, his guidedog kicked up a bit of a fuss..."
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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 04 December 2008 09:28
Posts: 32,
Visits: 189
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| A man was walking down the street with a baby ape in his arms when a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing with the chimp. "I just bought this ape as a pet. We have no children so he's going to live with us - just like one of the family. He'll eat at the same table with us. He'll even sleep in the same bed with me and my wife." "But what about the smell?" the friend asked. "Oh, he'll just have to get used to it the same way I did."
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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 04 December 2008 09:28
Posts: 32,
Visits: 189
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| Ever notice that when the doorbell rings, the dog's the first one to the door, but it's never for him!
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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 04 December 2008 09:28
Posts: 32,
Visits: 189
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| A city slicker drives through a little town, and stops at a gas station to fill up. Going into the station to pay he sees a man playing checkers with a dog. "Utterly fantastic," he gasps, "a dog who plays checkers. You could take him to the city and make piles of money with him." After his next move the man looks up and says, "Awh, he ain't so smart. I can beat him two times out of three."
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Forum Poster
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 23 December 2008 07:31
Posts: 75,
Visits: 200
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| Q: What does the work BIBLE stand for in there days when everything has to be abrieviated into a set of letters? A: Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.
He who laughs last is a fool for waiting so long!
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