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Forum Poster
 
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 23 December 2008 07:31
Posts: 75,
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For the last three months, bicycles have beed disappearing all over town. from outside shops, back yards, swimming baths, work places, schools and even the railway station. Between 20 and 40 bikes go missing every day. A spokesperson for the local police said: 'We are beginning to suspect that a bicycle theif may be operating illegally in the area.'
He who laughs last is a fool for waiting so long!
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Forum Poster
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 23 December 2008 07:31
Posts: 75,
Visits: 200
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| It's two in the morning when two martians arrive at a petrol station in rural Hampshire. The place is deserted. They look arround. 'Here are the Earthlings!' called one to the other. 'Over here!' The first Martian looked at a petrol pump. 'We come in peace! Take us to your leader!' There was no reply. 'Perhaps they don't speak English? Our mission pack sayes that there are a lot of forieners living here.' said the other. 'Let me try.' 'We come from the planet Mars. We are friends and wish to pay our greetings to your leader!' There was no reply. The first Martian then walked around the fourcourt examining all the other 11 petrol pumps. 'I think I see the problem. They are all asleep with their fingers in their ears.' 'You are right! How strange! We should come back when the sun is visible, and they have woken up.' said ther other.
He who laughs last is a fool for waiting so long!
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Forum Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 09:37
Posts: 179,
Visits: 1,165
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1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Forum Poster
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 23 December 2008 07:31
Posts: 75,
Visits: 200
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| There was a convention of Clergy being held at the Seaside Towers Hotel in Brighton. The first Clergymnan arrived at the reception desk and checked in. He was given a room number and a key, and off he went in the lift. Five minutes later the same Clergyman arrived back at the reception desk: I'm sorry to complain, but I have a problem!' he said to the receptionist. Receptionist: 'I'm so sorry Sir, but we don't have problems at the Seaside Towers Hotel, just advantages.' Clergyman: 'Well, you can call it what you like, but there's a strange woman in my room.'
He who laughs last is a fool for waiting so long!
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Forum Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 09:37
Posts: 179,
Visits: 1,165
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A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on? Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Gordon Brown and some other politicans. They're asking for a £10 million ransom, otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection" The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?" The chap replies "About a gallon."
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Forum Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 09:37
Posts: 179,
Visits: 1,165
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| There are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good morning, Lord,' and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, 'Good Lord, it's morning.'
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Forum Poster
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 23 December 2008 07:31
Posts: 75,
Visits: 200
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| Recent visitors to a national newspaper's offices at Canary Warf were surprised to be subjected to cranial blows as they entered the building. One brave man had the audacity to question the motives and actions of the perpetrator of these attacks. The attacker: 'Oh! Well, I'm aloud to do that! I'm the 'ead 'itor!'
He who laughs last is a fool for waiting so long!
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