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The cardinal was finding it difficult to impress his guest, so he took him into his private study to show him his three most treasured paintings.
The one on the left was of the cardinal himself. "Do you think that is a good likeness?" the cardinal asked his guest.
"It is an excellent likeness," the guest replied. "The painter has even managed to capture the way you lift your eyebrows."
"And what do you think about that as a portrait?" asked the cardinal, pointing to a painting of the Pope that hung on the right.
"I've never met his Holiness," replied the guest, "but it certainly looks like all the photographs I have seen of him."
"What about the one in the middle?" asked the cardinal.
For a few moments the guest contemplated the middle picture, which was of Jesus Christ Himself, and glanced back at the other two.
"Well," he said finally, "I've always known that Christ was hung between two thieves, but I never knew who they were before."
Rambling as usual
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Forum Poster
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| Two young nuns are giggling in the cloisters: 'That new priest slapped me on the bottom yesterday.' said the first nun. 'No! What did you do Sister?' replied the other. 'I followed the advise of Jesus, and turned the other cheek.'
He who laughs last is a fool for waiting so long!
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Forum Newbie
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Last Login: 03 March 2008 06:24
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| A member of the local golf club, who was always boasting about his automobile, was trying to start his motor mower one day when the club secretary came by: 'Good afternoon! Is that your automobile?' enquired the secretary. 'No!' replied the member, 'This is my aut-to-mow-grass, but it won't.'
I follow Him! ...and him...and him...and him.....!
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Forum Poster
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| An American tourist was touring Ireland, when he stopped and asked a local man for directions to the fair city of Dublin. 'Well now! It's like this Sir!' said the Irishman thoughtfully. 'If I was going to Dublin, I wouldn't be starting from here!'
He who laughs last is a fool for waiting so long!
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Forum Poster
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Three RAF chaplains were on their way to a conference, and boarded their train in the company with 3 RAF officers on the way to the same conference. The officers had each bought their tickets, and were astonished to see that the chaplains only had one. "How will you travel together on one ticket?" they asked. "Watch and learn." came the reply. When the train began to roll, the chaplains crowded into the toilet. The inspector came along, knocked on the door and said "Ticket, please!" and the door opened a crack and one hand carrying a ticket emerged. The inspector took the ticket and went.
The officers thought this was a good tactic, so when they all rejoined the train for the return journey they had only bought one ticket between them. To their astonishment, the chaplains had none. "How will you travel with no ticket?" they asked. "Watch and learn." came the reply. As the train began to roll, the officers crowded into one toilet, the chaplains into another. Then one of the chaplains left his toilet, walked over to the one where the officers were hidden, knocked on the door, and said "Ticket, please."
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Forum Poster
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Last Login: 04 September 2008 10:21
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Mum collects little Johnny from his first time in Sunday School. "What did you do this morning?" she asks.
"Gee, we had great fun, Mum," Johnny replies, "and they taught us to pray to Father Harold Wishart."
"Now, Johnny," says Mum, "I'm sure the good Father is a very fine man but I don't believe they taught you to pray to him."
"Yes they did, Mum" Johnny responds. "They even taught us a special prayer to pray. It begins 'Old Father Wishart in heaven, Harold be thy name'."
Rambling as usual
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Forum Newbie
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Last Login: 03 March 2008 06:24
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| My father often recalled his days at boarding school, and two of the stories he told remain in my memory: 1: A boy had spent all his allowance, and sent a telegram to his farther: NO MUN . NO FUN . YOUR SON . Back came the prompt reply from his farther: TOO BAD MY LAD . YOUR DAD . 2: Another boy sneaked out of school at night, and was questioned by a passing policeman: Policeman: 'And where do you think you're going at this time of night Son?' Boy: 'I'm on my way home.' Policeman: 'Where do you live then?' Boy; 'Just over there.' Policeman: 'Just over there! Which house is yours then?' Boy: 'The one with the light outside.' Policemn: 'Oh, that's where you live. Lets get you home then.' and he took the boy by the hand and led him across the road to the house with the light outside. He rang the bell and a lady came to the door. Lady: 'Aw! You're home early tonight dear! Who's this little boy then?'
I follow Him! ...and him...and him...and him.....!
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