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Forum Newbie
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Last Login: 27 May 2008 10:34
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A poor Jewish man was lost in the woods at nightfall...one of the three prescribed times of prayer - without his prayer book.
What to do, what to do, he worried. Oy vey, I know! Just the answer - let me see now, dear G_d, I have done such a stupid thing: I do not have my little prayer book with me, and I've such a poor memory, I cannot recite the prayers by heart. But you know all the prayers, L_rd! so I'll just recite the letters of the alphabet, and you can put them together in the right order!
Oh, Lord, I know not what to pray - if I just recite the alphabet, can I leave it to you to put the letters in the right order?
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"The profundity of error" - some time ago, someone composed a whole new set of Windows error messages in the form of Japanese haikus. Enjoy:
Out of memory.
We wish to hold everything!
But still we cannot.
Rather than beep
Or a rude error message:
These words: "File Not Found".
Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why -
Lazy programmers!
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot
Order will return.
For a new PC,
Center of my universe,
I abandon all.
The code was willing!
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.
Everything is gone.
Your life's work has been destroyed.
Squeeze trigger? (yes/no)
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?
Website has been moved
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
Have to delete you.
The web site you seek
Cannot be located but
Countless more exist.
Aborted effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.
Windows XP crashed.
I am the blue screen of death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My novel" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
Logon incorrect!
Only perfect spellers may
Enter this system!
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again.
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
10,000 Things
How long do any persist?
Explorer is gone.
Server: poor response
Not quick enough for browser
Time out, plum blossom.
This site uses frames
And yet your browser does not.
One of these will change.
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
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Forum Newbie
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Last Login: 04 December 2008 09:28
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| Tedi might like this one! A woman was sitting in the waiting room for her first appointment with a new dentist. She noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, she remembered that a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in her high school class so many years ago. Could this be the same guy I had a crush on way back then? she wondered.
She quickly discarded any such thought when she met the balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face. He's way too old to have been my classmate, she thought to herself.
Still, after he examined her teeth, she asked, "Did you happen to attend Morgan Park High School?"
"Yes! I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" she asked.
"1959," he replied. "Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" she exclaimed.
"Really?" he said, looking at her closely. "What did you teach?"
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Forum Newbie
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| DDS eh? What about the Rev'd Fiddle who refused to take a Doctorate of Divinity on the grounds that, were he to be successful, the kids would call him Fiddle DD 
Oh, Lord, I know not what to pray - if I just recite the alphabet, can I leave it to you to put the letters in the right order?
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Forum Poster
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Last Login: 15 October 2008 15:24
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According to an article in Linux Format magazine, the alternative operating system BeOS displayed its error messages in haiku. Mind you, that article did appear in the April issue.
The theological college employed an elderly gardener with a long beard. Three students walked past him as he was working by the path one morning.
"Good morning, Abraham," the first called out. The second greeted him with "Good morning, Isaac." Not to be outdone, the third said "Good morning, Jacob."
The gardener stood up and looked at them. "I am not Abraham or Isaac or Jacob," he told them, "but I think I must be Saul, son of Kish, looking for his father's asses, because I seem to have found them."
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Forum Newbie
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Last Login: 27 May 2008 10:34
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| Rabbi, sitting on a seat in the park eating his matza for lunch. A blind man comes along and sits on the same seat. The Rabbi, feeling generous with his food, gives the blind man a matza. The chap picks it up, runs his fingers over both sides and exclaims, "who on earth wrote this gibberish?" (Matza is alike a large cracker but has lots of uneven ridges on it and can be bought in Sainsburys/Tescos. It is better to use for Communion than ordinary bread, is Biblical, much cheaper and doesn't go mouldy!
Oh, Lord, I know not what to pray - if I just recite the alphabet, can I leave it to you to put the letters in the right order?
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Forum Member
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Last Login: 31 December 2008 13:24
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Then, this young woman sits in the dentist's chair and says, "Oh dear! I'd rather have a baby than this".
The dentist replies, "Well, make up your mind as I'll have to move the chair"
Quatenus in hebdomades quattuor et dies duos ire possumus?
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